No news other than a vent to start the month off right... We got rammed in January, rear-ended at 25 mph while we were completely stopped. We're fine, but our backs hurt. Bethany's still going to the back doctor three times a week, and my back still hurts when I sit in a wooden chair for two hours. Other than that I'm basically better. Anyway, today we get a letter from USAA, the other insurance company, and it says (and I almost want to put [sic] somewhere in this just because it's gotta' be a mistake), "It does not appear you will be tort threshold required by Utah law. I am closing your file. If you have any questions, you may reach me at the number listed below." Needless to say I called, and simply asked that she explain to me what that letter meant. Beverly Dalio, rude from the beginning, said, and this is not a direct quote, just enough to make USAA think twice about how they train their people: "It means exactly what it says--you will not be tort threshold required, so we're closing your file." "So, what does that mean?" "It means that if you're going to make a BI claim, you need to be over a certain limit for the tort threshold to apply." "...and what's a BI claim?" "BI! Bodily Injury! B.I.!" "I'm sorry, I just don't know the insurance jargon." "I'm NOT using any jargon, I'm just using precise terms." "Okay, well I just need to know what those terms mean to me. Are my future bills still going to be paid?" "First of all, we don't pay your bills. We just reimburse your insurance company. Second, it's been four months! What kind of bills could you still have?" "Well, that's really between you and the doctor. All I know is that my back still hurts, and the back specialist says that I should still be coming in weekly, and Bethany three times a week." "I see no reason to believe you, or him, that your back pain, or Bethany's, could in any way be related to an accident that happened four months ago!" "Again, that's the doctor's decision." "And what's all this stuff about you constantly bugging us to burn your records?" "Uh, are you talking to me?" "Yes. Everytime I call you ask me to burn all phone numbers." "Um... well I haven't talked to you in 3 months--do you mean my voicemail? It simply says 'I bought a new cell phone four months ago, so burn this number and call my new number, which is (801) 368-1623." "Well I can't just go burning people's records--that's a serious offense." "Did you ever try calling the number it tells you to call?" "Yes, and that number tells me to burn stuff, too." And that would be the end of it if it were a Monty Python sketch, especially with the current absurdity referencing an earlier absurdity. But it wasn't a work of absurdist literature--it was real. The call went on, totalling close to 30 minutes--30 minutes of me calmly and politely trying to get a straight answer, and of USAA Claims Adjuster Beverly E Dalio hurling responses apparently from a Bazooka Joe wrapper. Still, after 30 minutes, still not having lost my Fonzificent cool (a karate-man thing), I politely ended the call, at which point I called my insurance company. Geico is cheap and they've never given me any trouble. All I know is if I'm ever elected anything, I'm going to tell the SEC to regulate customer service. Supply and demand's just taking too long. Until then, I'll do the self-important thing of appealing to the currently 13,000 visitors a month that come to this site. And if anyone works for Verizon, I've got stories for you, too...

UPDATE 5/5/4: Talked to the Doctor and to Geico today. Both said this is a famous and standard scam, and would be totally illegal if USAA weren't lying through their missing teeth.
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